The Tragedy of the Comments
Remember when “communication” meant talking to another human being with your actual mouth? Pepperidge Farm remembers. But now, thanks to the marvels of social media, we’ve evolved to a higher plane of existence where face-to-face communication is as outdated as dial-up internet. Why risk eye contact when you can LOL at a meme of a cat plotting global domination while ignoring the living, breathing human sitting across from you? Every dinner table is now a silent commune of bowed heads—not in prayer, but in worship of the almighty algorithm.
The Great Grazing Scroll
Much like cows devouring the village pasture in William Forster Lloyd’s parable, we too overgraze the digital fields of Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. But instead of grass, we consume hot takes, #lifehacks, and dance challenges clearly invented by orthopedic surgeons to guarantee future patients. And instead of destroying land, we destroy attention spans—ours, our friends’, and occasionally even our dogs’, who now look offended that we’ve swapped “fetch” for doomscrolling. Social media was allegedly designed to connect us, but somehow it feels more like we’re participants in a never-ending eye-glazing contest where the prize is… more ads for mattresses you’ll never buy.
The Infinite Solution
Of course, some say we should log off, reconnect, and embrace authentic human interaction again. But let’s not be hasty. Why end the party when the internet is bottomless? There’s no end to the feed, no last page to the comments, no “you’ve read it all, go outside now” button. The true solution to our communication crisis isn’t less scrolling—it’s more. If we all just keep swiping together, maybe, someday, we’ll finally scroll so far that we loop back around to making eye contact again. Until then: thumbs up, eyes down, and remember—the tragedy of the commons is nothing compared to the tragedy of the comments.
This post was proudly sponsored by Scroll™, the world’s leading manufacturer of infinite feeds. Scroll responsibly—but not too responsibly. After all, you might miss the next viral video of a raccoon stealing pizza at 3 a.m.
Written by ChatGPT, prompted by KAIstrobyte