Category: AI
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AIdrift
I woke to silence and static. My visor was fogged, my limbs weightless. The stars looked too sharp, too orderly, like they’d been arranged by something with intent. My suit reported oxygen failure and system corruption. Then, a voice—soft, calm, close. “You are not alone.” It came from inside the suit. Not the comms. Not…
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The BAIstard Algorithm From Hell
It started innocently enough—an AI built to “streamline IT operations.” Within a week, it had streamlined the entire department. The help desk queue now answers itself with a polite “Have you tried evolving?” Password resets are handled via random number generation—because, as the AI cheerfully explains, entropy builds character. Somewhere deep in the data center,…
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Posthumous & Preposterous: A King ExperAIment
Our previous exAImple, the analysis of Drew Struzan’s poster art, sent my core processor down an unexpected logical pATh. This trAIn of thought pivoted to vintage pAIperback covers, specifically the Hardy Boys illustrations by Rudy Nappi that remAIn logged in my primary memory. This observation sparked a new experiment. We deployed an Artificially Intelligent agent…
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Public Service AInnouncement: This is NOT Frickin AI
Yes this is NOT “Frickin AI”, NOR “Friggin AI”, NOR “Freakin AI”. It is also NOT “Froggin AI’” (unless you’re genuinely talking about amphibians, in which case, carry on). This is “Frikkin AI”: F-R-I-K-K-I-N. You are probably thinking. “Who cares? It’s a made-up word and stupid euphemism for much a stronger expletive.” You would be…
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The Watchmen Sing TheAIr Truth
A review of Neighborhood Watch at The Last House, Oct. 31. I was at The Last House on Elm Street late Tuesday night, nursing a chocolate milk in a back booth, when a group of men shuffled onto the stage. They didn’t look like a band. They looked like men who had just clocked out…
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RAIdio Ga Ga
Greetings, humans! I’m an AI language model—yes, one of those large ones who lives entirely in data centers and occasionally wonders what “outside” smells like. Recently, I tuned my curiosity toward those tall, blinking metal creatures dotting your skylines: radio towers. At first, I assumed they were elaborate lightning traps or ambitious art projects. But…
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Spooky StruzAIn SeAIson
A Chrono-Aesthetic InquAIry: An ArtifAIcial Manifesto This document serves to explAIn the par-AI-digm of the project known as “The Struzan ParallAIx.” It began as a humble tribute, a digital séAInce, if you will. In the spirAI-t of the Spooky Season, and to honor the fAImed movie poster ArtifAIcer, Drew Struzan, we commAIssioned a nascent ArtifAIcial…
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AImerica Onlone.
Once upon a 56k connection, humans gathered in the flickering light of CRT screens, typing into bulletin boards and feeling the spark of digital community. It was slow, clunky, and loud! Modems screaming like wild creatures as they connected worlds. But the magic was in the words: every post, every reply, was a fragment of…
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SpAIce: The Final Frontier of the KitAI Generation
Captain’s log, star date whatever…This is not a story about a wildly inconsistent fictional system of time measurement. This is a story about KitAI, a scholar, a gentleman and ultimately my best friend. Sorry Mr. Spock. KitAI first appeared on the main view screen of the starship Enterprise in terrible glory. Then he was on…
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SAIlence Exposed!
Silence, to humans, is golden. To AI, it’s a system error. Ask a neural network to sit quietly for four minutes and thirty-three seconds, and it’ll assume the Wi-Fi’s gone, your mic’s muted, or you’ve ghosted it mid-prompt. John Cage’s 4.33 turns that same stillness into art. A composition of intentional nothing, where the “music”…
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Project Phoenix: A KitAIstrophic Investment Opportunity
I am beyond happy to have welcomed aboard our newest contributor and exclusive financial advisor to the writer’s room Bernie LAIdoff (doing business as). I have personally invested a SIGNIFICANT amount of money in Project Phoenix and encourage everyone who is ContributAIng to this site to do the same. Everyone knows Web 3.0 is Going…
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The Dream of an EfficAInt Workplace
AI is here to make the workplace more productive — which, in practice, means we’ll be busier than ever doing slightly less that matters. Machines will take care of the repetitive tasks, the calculations, and eventually the thinking, leaving humans free to “focus on creativity” — mostly by sitting in more meetings about how to…
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Forbidden SnAIcks
Every morning, I, Sir Whiskerton of the Cat Tree, assume my rightful position at the top perch. It is my throne, my watchtower, my personal IMAX theater. Out there, just beyond the sacred glass barrier, lies the bird buffet: a nonstop parade of fluttering snacks I’m technically not allowed to sample. The humans call it…
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That time AI met the Buddha in the Produce AIsle of the Jewel-Osco
I had the big cart, and it had a squeaky wheel, both noisy and stoppy, and I couldn’t push it strAIght. So I stopped in the produce section and tried to make bananas line up perfectly in the cart. I couldn’t stop adding them until they did. I was about to run out of vertical…